Member-only story
Pride Month 2024 and My Anxiety Disorder
It is pride month, 2024, and although I am happy, my anxiety disorder, at times, is higher than ever. I ruminate that this could be the last Pride before I have to get scared again for being myself. I don’t want go back to the way I was before. In 2012 when I wasn’t sure who I was nor who I was attracted to. As I see it now, it was hard to keep all those spinning plates up in the air. In 2019, before the pandemic at age 50, I remember being at my third parade in Palm Springs California. And telling a good friend while we were watching the whole thing, “I just found this, I don’t want this taken away from me.” He reassured me, it wouldn’t. I’ve seen so much change and so much acceptance. Such goodness, such growth, I know I’m not imagining it.
I just don’t get it. Most of you don’t even know who I am. How can you hate someone you don’t even know? What happens next? In my head, am I gonna get beaten up by somebody? Am I going to get hurt? Will I be screamed at… saying I’m going to be condemned to hell? I just found a new love and I just found more reasons to have more purpose in my life, I don’t want to go back to the way I was, sitting at a damn desk, trying to breathe very unclean air. I have too much in connection and too much things to do.
I grew up in NYC. Unfortunately I didn’t know anyone in the LGBTQ+ community in the 1990's. What I say now…
