Grief letter 1: I’m mad at you…

This is the first of three letters about grief. For those who don’t know, one of my sisters, Susan Matadobra, passed away in 03/2023. She was 63 and passed from complications of chronic kidney failure. One exercise to help with grief is to write letters to that person.

Above: Kate, Susan and Robert, Matlacha FL 2020

Grief letter 1: I’m mad at you…

Hello Susan I’m very mad at you for leaving. What’s worse is that you were so self-centered and self-focused that you didn’t want anyone to come in. You wanted to do things your way, and you got it.

But what does it give to the rest of us? Just regret and sadness; imagine if you had tried. To listen, to believe to have faith in others’ advice. You could have at least done that. Then if you had failed, no one would have been angry at you. But you felt so self centered and a martyring way. You didn’t want to upset anyone, but yet you did.

I remember asking you, “Did you do these things, and you felt I was prying?” You felt I was trying to control you. I just wanted you to be here, and you couldn’t. I’m mad you couldn’t tell us what you wanted. You could see it in your eyes, but you did not have the language. Even worse, you wouldn’t let others assist you. Since you couldn’t do it, or maybe better you wouldn’t, the things that you touted ended up…