A great article, and a lot of very good important points, and it makes me think some ideas for you to try again, but maybe have some different parameters.

I especially liked your comment regarding about that the guys who are considerate and understanding, they have so many partners. They're busy. You're right. Most of these guys you run into really just want a servant and not a play partner.

They don't want to put the work in understanding other people. So I was thinking about some ideas for you to find a bull.

I am a vers bull / dog. But unfortunately, I don't fit your criteria. I am 56 bisexual, bear. I am polyamorous, and I have multiple partners because I am considerate and they ask,and I am good.

Most of my relations and partners, though, were not through FetLife, but actually going to parties,events, retreats and workshops. That's how I met most of the people in my life.

I am surprised that in FetLife, which is supposed to be more
egalitarian, that you got treated like this.

The Bear community, although not perfect, is known for more acceptance of different shapes
mindsets and wanting to be more social.

So here's some thoughts from me for you, since your upper age limit was 40, that means you're looking for millennials, and unfortunately, I don't know how we can convince more of these younger millennials to understand what we want. They can't answer that question. What do they want? They are only fed this one size fits, because we give them so little expansion of what it means to be a man. I don't have that because although I am fully male, I was never fully accepted because I was different.

So I would suggest allowing people in their profiles men in their 50s as part of your criteria, since most of them are in Generation X, and a good number of us understand better. Certainly you don't want one that looks like the Crypt Keeper. I get it. I don't look like my age. People think I'm in my 40s, so maybe be a little open minded in that area.

I would also suggest trying different sites that are geared more for polyamorous such as Bumble or feeld, they might be a better way to get in. Also, I would suggest, if you have queer friends or bear friends, talk with them. Word of Mouth usually helps very much.

Also, because of the economy, a lot of us are not sugar daddies. We're just not.
But definitely I look for people who are authentic, but also kind and lovingly, like I say, I treat people the way I like to be treated.

One other thing I could suggest is take a look at Body Electric. Body Electric is now for all genders, and the principles and beliefs that are in that community and people connected with it are definitely more geared to your values. I am also part of another community group called Easton mountain, although that skews more male.

These are not sex groups, per se, but they have people who have a more like mind to us regarding of that.